I contemplated this to a good extent today. There are things that I know are good for me, or are what is in my best interest, and I want to do them but I don’t.
Well let’s take a look at one of the myriad of things I don’t do. Regular exercise. I know it is good for me. I know it will make me healthier. Heck, I even like to do it when I do it regularly! When I am in a solid routine, it is not as difficult. I don’t get sore muscles and it’s far less a stress on my body. I’ll be going along well for a while in a good routine, and something will happen. A pulled muscle. A long stretch of bad weather (hiking is my main exercise) and before you know it, enough time has lapsed that it’s like I’m starting all over again.
But I know that I WANT to do it.
But do I really?
I asked myself that today. The answer is yes and no. Yes I want to. But I also don’t want to! The part of me that doesn’t want to keeps winning out this last year. So I asked myself, “Why?”
Here’s what I discovered. Beneath the “it’s difficult” and “it takes effort” was “I don’t want it to be that hard.” And at the bottom of all of this was:
“Life is already way too hard and I don’t want any more hard.” 
Thing is- I really don’t have a difficult life compared to some. But for whatever reason, I told myself it feels difficult.
Then I had a eureka moment!
I realized this isn’t about difficult. It’s about control! I want control over the things I think I have no control over.
But even that is a false notion. I have complete control over the thoughts and beliefs I have at any given moment. I am writing my own story! I am the main character. The Hero. What I want- what I really want in life- is already mine.
I did even more CSI work. Where did that notion of life being difficult come from? As I researched it in my mind, I kept going through layers. Until I finally reached it. It was from a time in my life in my 30’s, when I was going through a challenging time.  I had told myself the story that it was “difficult.” And, at times it certainly was. But I never stopped telling myself that. I held onto that all these years. I was finding that I was feeling like I just wanted something to be easy.
Why can’t life be easy?!?
I also struggled with the term “lazy.” I had let The Conscious Masses Mindset tell me what lazy was. I had been told as I was growing up what lazy looked like. Due to that, I never let myself take a break, for fear of being lazy. I didn’t realize that downtime balances the “difficult”. I let the difficult get to the extreme.
Now I understand the importance of balance. But I was still holding that belief from all those years ago. I was still living that story!
When I realized it, I realized I had to go back and rewrite that story. Tell myself that I didn’t allow any downtime and added to my own burden. It didn’t have to be as difficult as I’d made it, and that the difficulty ended years ago.
This is a pattern I have lived in my life for a very long time, so it will take some practice to live a new story. I’ll get a little reminder of my old story and it doesn’t come naturally yet to assign my new story to the moment. But I just look at those little reminders as opportunities to follow my new practices. Those new practices are:
1. When I finish something, like a long hike, working on my book for hours at a time, or even doing the dishes, I say to myself, “That was easy!”  I’m retraining my brain to fire new synapses. New neural pathways to my truth. 
2. I take breaks when I need them. I am not being lazy, I am being smart with my time and energies.
I even got a Staples “That Was Easy” button! I use it often and it’s a great reminder (and a bit humorous) that life is easy! If I will allow it. If I will rewrite my stories I tell myself. And if I will stop feeling bad about doing things to take care of me. Saying “no” is a very important part of taking care of me. I’ve learned my no is as important as my yes, and I use it well.
You know what I’ve found?
Life really can be easy! 
So I challenge YOU to rewrite your story! Take the pen back and re-wire those synapses. Tell yourself a new story.
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