I contemplated this to a good extent today. There are things that I know are good for me, or are what is in my best interest, and I want to do them but I don’t.
Why?
Well let’s take a look at one of the myriad of things I don’t do. Regular exercise. I know it is good for me. I know it will make me healthier. Heck, I even like to do it when I do it regularly! When I am in a solid routine, it is not as difficult. I don’t get sore muscles and it’s far less a stress on my body. I’ll be going along well for a while in a good routine, and something will happen. A pulled muscle. A long stretch of bad weather (hiking is my main exercise) and before you know it, enough time has lapsed that it’s like I’m starting all over again.
But I know that I WANT to do it.
But do I really?
I asked myself that today. The answer is yes and no. Yes I want to. But I also don’t want to! The part of me that doesn’t want to keeps winning out this last year. So I asked myself, “Why?”
Here’s what I discovered. Beneath the “it’s difficult” and “it takes effort” was “I don’t want it to be that hard.” And at the bottom of all of this was:
“Life is already way too hard and I don’t want any more hard.”
Thing is- I really don’t have a difficult life compared to some. But for whatever reason, I told myself it feels difficult.
Then I had a eureka moment!
I realized this isn’t about difficult. It’s about control! I want control over the things I think I have no control over.
But even that is a false notion. I have complete control over the thoughts and beliefs I have at any given moment. I am writing my own story! I am the main character. The Hero. What I want- what I really want in life- is already mine.
I did even more CSI work. Where did that notion of life being difficult come from? As I researched it in my mind, I kept going through layers. Until I finally reached it. It was from a time in my life in my 30’s, when I was going through a challenging time. I had told myself the story that it was “difficult.” And, at times it certainly was. But I never stopped telling myself that. I held onto that all these years. I was finding that I was feeling like I just wanted something to be easy.
Why can’t life be easy?!?
I also struggled with the term “lazy.” I had let The Conscious Masses Mindset tell me what lazy was. I had been told as I was growing up what lazy looked like. Due to that, I never let myself take a break, for fear of being lazy. I didn’t realize that downtime balances the “difficult”. I let the difficult get to the extreme.
Now I understand the importance of balance. But I was still holding that belief from all those years ago. I was still living that story!
When I realized it, I realized I had to go back and rewrite that story. Tell myself that I didn’t allow any downtime and added to my own burden. It didn’t have to be as difficult as I’d made it, and that the difficulty ended years ago.
This is a pattern I have lived in my life for a very long time, so it will take some practice to live a new story. I’ll get a little reminder of my old story and it doesn’t come naturally yet to assign my new story to the moment. But I just look at those little reminders as opportunities to follow my new practices. Those new practices are:
1. When I finish something, like a long hike, working on my book for hours at a time, or even doing the dishes, I say to myself, “That was easy!” I’m retraining my brain to fire new synapses. New neural pathways to my truth.2. I take breaks when I need them. I am not being lazy, I am being smart with my time and energies.
I even got a Staples “That Was Easy” button! I use it often and it’s a great reminder (and a bit humorous) that life is easy! If I will allow it. If I will rewrite my stories I tell myself. And if I will stop feeling bad about doing things to take care of me. Saying “no” is a very important part of taking care of me. I’ve learned my no is as important as my yes, and I use it well.
You know what I’ve found?
Life really can be easy!
So I challenge YOU to rewrite your story! Take the pen back and re-wire those synapses. Tell yourself a new story.
by 
by
Thank you Donna for writing these blogs. It’s refreshing to stop in ones tracks every once in awhile and reflect on life. In reply, no one says life has to be hard. Some where along the way we get the notion that to be successful (as some else gauges it), we have to work hard to achieve that. I guess we can believe that. But there’s the other side to the coin. Getting what we want, easily. My favorite notion from this post has to do with writing my own movie. That I’ve always known. But seeing it from the perspective that I’m the HERO, not just the main character, has given me a new perspective on directing my movie.
I’m reading 12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos – by Jordon B. Peterson. Chapter 2 hits right down the middle of heart on this subject. Basically, we are usually much more willing to take care of someone or something (pet) else than we are to be willing to take care of ourselves. People will go out of their way to make sure someone they love takes their medicine, while neglecting their own. Hmmmmm.
I really like your blog of writing your own movie. Being responsible for ourselves. Peterson suggests we need to think of ourselves as someone whom we are to care for responsibly. That reminds me, I need to take my legs for a walk….
So very true! Thanks for reading, David! I’m glad you enjoy! I haven’t posted in a long while because my iMac broke. Then I shipped it. But I have finally figured out how to do it from my iPad, albeit cumbersome. A lot has happened in a year!