I desire LIFE! Not (life). I desire ADVENTURE!. Not (ordinary). When I am my true self, I have a cape on! When I “blend in” I am, in effect, saying to myself:
“I am not cape-able.”
But it’s against my very nature. My soul. Which knows who I really am!
But I wasn’t always living to my full potential.
I was living small. I had an internal battle going on. I knew I wanted greatness, but that was so scary. And I was really, really good at living small. Living with the ache of not being who I was meant to be. But it never went away. Never. I always had to find something to numb that pain.
So I began to sleep walk. I let the days go by endlessly. The years. The decades. Learning how to cope with guilt/smallness. Learning how to turn OFF that signal telling me “there’s so much more!”
But that signal was greater than me!
And everyone has it! And everyone KNOWS it. And maybe I got more comfortable living with people who had also gotten good at shutting it down. Or commiserating with others who were also numbing. And maybe I even elevated the numbing process to a kind of cult status/laurel leaf/who’s the best at it? But don’t be fooled. They know as well as you that they are sleep walking, too.
Then along comes that person. You know who I’m talking about. The one who is awake. And rocks your boat. Shakes you to the core. Uncovers your little game you’ve been playing with yourself that everything is ok.
And that’s just it. Everything was ok. Just okay. Ordinary. Mediocre blandness. It’s what everyone else was doing. Status quo. But that person awakened me a little bit. They put a rose under my nose and said,
And then it was all over.
My little game was exposed. I knew in my heart that this is the way I was meant to be. Happy. Free. Truly joyous.
And then I realized why I wasn’t.
Oh yeah. That was me. I did that. I was the reason. No one else, like I’d been telling myself all those years. Attaching to the present all the pain from the past. Letting those past hurts define me in the now, because then I can tell myself I have an excuse for being this way. For being small.
But there it is. They just ripped the bandaid off.
And I tried, as best as I could to go back to being comfortable. But now I knew better- and besides, none of the old ways worked any more.
I tried to come up with new stories to get myself back to that “comfort zone”. But it was long gone.
Because once you’ve smelled a rose, you know. Nothing can compare.
So I woke up! And suddenly, there were roses everywhere that I had never seen before! And now, the rest of my life is a Rose Garden!by