Part One of Three (Please sign up for email updates)
Love, Forgiveness, Truth. All things that I want, but want to control. I built my life based on these things. And felt as though I was pursuing something I was supposed to. Something worthy.
But done in a conditional sense. Conditional love (I will love you as long as you…) conditional forgiveness (I will forgive if you…) and conditional truth (I will believe as long as…) All of these “virtues” did nothing to serve the purpose of true growth, and thereby only provided a temporary sense of self worth or self love.
The conditional virtues that have been passed down to me for centuries, have produced everything I am seeing and experiencing.
But when I give love freely, regardless of circumstance, it reveals something deep within.
“Nature abhors a vacuum.” ~Aristotle
Vacuum (Webster’s Dictionary)
- 1. a space entirely devoid of matter.
- 2. an enclosed space from which matter,especially air, has been partially removed so that the matter or gas remaining in the space exerts less pressure than the atmosphere.
- 3. the state or degree of exhaustion in such an enclosed space.
- 4. a space not filled or occupied; emptiness; void
“In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. The earth was without form, and void; and darkness was on the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God was hovering over the face of the waters.”
Genesis 1:1-2 (Emphasis mine)
“Space not filled or occupied.”
The true proclivity of man to abhor the void has certainly played out in my life. I knew I needed to control it, but year after year, decade after decade it became more and more out of control.
We cannot have space! In our music we have fast lyrical delivery, the more uptempo the better, no time for instrumental breaks—in fact instrumentals are now being edited out of even heavy-hitters like Brad Paisley and Keith Urban, just to make them short enough to fit in a two minute time slot on Major Market Radio. Because attention spans are so infinitesimal now.
When my kids were small, we would drive from karate to piano to soccer practice, stopping at fast-food restaurants to squeeze in a meal.
Concerning my own health, I would rather take a pill than exercise 30 minutes or cook a meal with fresh ingredients.
I gave relationships time… But I quickly grew disillusioned when I didn’t get the result I wanted.
If a moment in my day was not filled or occupied by something, I felt unproductive. Like something was missing.
Then when my head hit the pillow, I KNEW that something was missing! That all of my striving did not produce the things I wanted. Love. Happiness. Contentment.
So where did that leave me?
Longing. Aching. Lacking.
Which just creates more of the same.
How did I find my way out of this spiral? To be continued in Part Two…
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